The heinous aliens are back, and this time they've set up a cubic lair on the moon. According to leaked information, they plan on attacking Earth! As our hero John, you can't take this problem sitting down. Hop into your Sideswiper ship and rectify the situation.
Constipator was a huge hit for us here at Shark Bite Games. We sold so many copies of the game that we were able to buy two new coffee makers and a new toaster for the office. Because of this success, we have decided to do you all a favor and sell the game to you again! But don't worry, it won't be exactly the same game: Nearly a dozen new features are present! A comparison chart is found below.
Constipator: Septic Edition, $99.99. Item number 596F75206861766520746F6F206D75636820667265652074696D652E
This is a game you do not want to miss! Everybody else is buying it, so you should too! Don't be a party pooper, order today! Remember, we can not process your order if you do not write the item number on your check or money order.
| Constipator | Constipator: Septic Edition | |
| Number of levels | 10 | Still just 10, but now they're called A thru J instead of 1 thru 10 |
| Number of enemies | 3 | 6 (They come in two colors each) |
| Title screen | Says "Press Fire" | Says "Press Fire to Start Game" |
| Stars in the background | 15 | Nearly 20 |
| Digitized pictures of Jaguar owners sitting on the toilet?* | no | yes |
| Laser weapon | standard laser | a destructive, continuous yellow stream |
| Secondary weapon | plunger missiles | seat-seeking torpedoes |
| Power-up of choice | can of beans | cabbage! |
| Sound effects | boring bleeps and blips | actual digitzed "plop" sounds |
| How to tell when your game is over | Your ship explodes | An all-new text message says "You have died" |
| Other extras included with the game | None | A "Septic Edition" sticker. Wear it and be the envy of all your friends! |
*If you would like a picture of yourself to be digitzed into the game, you must be at the PruneFest in Flushing Meadows, New York. Our cameraman will be waiting for you in the stall.